Modern Driving

For those who enjoyed the last one here is another one




Drivers

Now before I start I am not the worlds best driver, I was taught to drive through necessity, I also had a three wheeler on a motor bike licence years before I passed my car test and even then I past my test whilst in the army in Cyprus, the examiner (my mate another Sgt.) said he had never been on a test where the pupil had killed a donkey, did a 360 degree skid and had a blow out all within the examination? (more of that storey on a later date) he did however say that my handling of the situations and the way I managed to put the vehicle back on four wheels and in the upright position after colliding with the aforesaid animal was nothing more that miraculous.

Since that time however I have got my HGV, I can drive a tank, some plant equipment, passed my advanced driver, raced moto cross motor cycles and led a army motorcycle trial team. Myself and my three brothers were brought up on petrol and grease. Dad was a brilliant mechanic who could diagnose a engine problem just by listening to it. He taught us how to listen to the engine, he said it was like a woman if you listen carefully to it then you will get it right?

I transgress this is about “modern drivers” though today we do not actually drive the car we merely steer it from one location to another the modern vehicle drives itself.

OK, Lets take for instance Fog lights; yes I said fog lights with the emphasis on fog; not get out of my way you old codger lights or Hey! look what I got for Christmas lights, or I'm blind and should not be driving lights, they are fog lights purely and simply for the use of seeing and being seen in adverse weather conditions. I am sure that when some people buy a car the fog lights are on and the owner has no idea how to turn them off. It is a driving offence to drive with them on when not required Driving without due care and attention DWDCA. So lets have hanging brought back.

Music systems, Keith and I on our various fishing trips in the Camper van have been know to make the springs rock to the sounds of Eric Clapton, using air guitar and steering wheel drum for accompaniment though the decibel rating was never in danger of injuring our ears, others sensibilities maybe but nothing medical or dangerous. Even though now I live on the boat in a marina, we are moored quite close to the A59 between Preston and Liverpool I don't know whether that has any bearing on the matter but the young racers who pass here seem to be oblivious to the noise and vibration they cause. I now know most of the music Crap that is being produced today by the incessant beat without which it could not be called Music.( It’s a pity boats don’t have double glazing.) I fail to see how they can hear an emergency vehicle trying to get passed or a malfunction to the smooth running of the engine or even the woeful cries of the pensioner they picked up on the bumper at the last crossing. Again DWDC and Pollution. Again lets have the birch back

We are also bombarded with the continual roar of over sized exhaust pipes, To my limited experience there is no engineering fact that says the louder the faster it is true that exhaust gasses must be removed quickly however to that end I know of many quieter ways of expelling unwanted and burnt gasses. I have recently come to the conclusion that the size of the over exaggerated exhaust is related in the over exaggerated ego of the di-- head driving it.

Indicators

Those are the things that are normally on an arm around the steering wheel, when pushed up or down they send an electrical impulse to lights on the front and rear of the vehicle

that flash indicating to other road users which way you intend to manoeuvre your vehicle

This is especially useful at roundabouts when people are waiting to join traffic coming from your right and the bast--- don’t indicate that they are turning right thereby leaving you sat there waiting to joint the merry throng, when you could have been away ages ago.

Whilst on about roundabouts how about the undecided, the shall I shan’t I ? driver

For Goodness sake make a bloody decision and stick to it, that would avoid my front bumper from falling in love with their rear bumper

Foreign HGV drivers, imagine a busy motorway hgv's in the inside lane one HGV decides that he is progressing at at least 2 mph more than the one in front so he should overtake, It is the only way that Spanish, French, and east European drivers feel any sort of superiority over our Brit drivers who frankly couldn’t give a sh-- and have never been in a rush to get anywhere except home. This overtaking manoeuvre normal takes 10 miles to complete over a period of several minutes whist blocking the whole motorway

Is it not time that on busy motorways and at busy time we banned HGV's from the outside lanes. (or banned all foreign drivers and their dangerous untaxed and untested vehicles. Keep Britain British and put a HGV test station at Dover.

Push bikes (run the buggers down) what gives them the right to ride three a breast on country lanes waggling their lycra clad ar-- in my windscreen they cause mayhem by deliberately blocking motorists who have PAID for the right to travel on the queens highway unlike the cyclists who believe that because they consider themselves to be environmentally friendlily they gain the right to be a bloody morons, their actions cause pollution by making cars use fuel in an uneconomical way (queuing and labouring to get bye) is anything but environmentally friendlily it should be made a criminal offence to travel in such a dangerous and inconsiderate manner. So should crossing red lights, scratching cars with handle bars, riding on the pavement. and basically being a deek.

and the worst offence is the wearing of lycra I say make them all pay road tax and insurance. and ban lycra



Enough

My next communiqué will be a very nice one none of this grumpy old man stuff so just keep a look out



Big Al